Know Thyself When Seeking A Mate
I recently went on a date with a nice guy with whom I had quite a few shared interests. During the course of the conversation, he mentioned that he didn’t have health care. I was a little surprised because in your 50s you start to have need for health care more than you did in your 30s and even 40s.
When we parted company I noticed that he drove a very nice car and it made me think, why is health care such a low priority for him? I never really thought that through however, because I started thinking downstream about a relationship with someone with no health care. I considered what would happen if he got sick – really sick, like with cancer, for example. In the end I questioned myself, because I was coming to the realization that I didn’t really want to date someone who doesn’t share my values. Who knew that health care would influence my decision about a date?
Part of finding love is about knowing what you need in a relationship. There are three important keys to finding love that will ensure that you meet the person who meets your needs.
Define your core values. Your core values are things about yourself that are not likely to change; tenets you grew up believing and still seem to fit into your life no matter what. Examples of core values include the desire to have children, religious beliefs, your relationship with money, and the importance you place on honesty, integrity, fidelity. Core values are essential to finding a lasting relationship.
Understand your emotional needs. Getting our needs met – for intimacy, sexual gratification and satisfaction, is a need to be honored and understood and even accepted by our partner. Understanding what fulfillment means to you is paramount to finding a partner with whom you can feel satisfied and happy. Be aware that you aren’t trying to make your partner fulfill needs that should be fulfilled within yourself.
Identify your love pattern. How we go about finding the kind of person who can meet our emotional needs and share our core values should be measured by the good relationships we already have with friends and family members. People who bring out the best in you, who make you feel safe and secure, people with whom you can be yourself have the personality traits that will serve you best in a romantic partner.
Once you’ve met someone who gets check marks on the above items, be sure to check in with yourself after a few months to make sure your original impressions are still correct. At first blush your partner may be on good behavior, so it’s important to pay attention once everyone is more relaxed and their real selves. Ask yourself if your date is as honest and moral as you originally thought. Do they possess core values that are meaningful to you and are they who you originally thought they were?